The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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