Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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