You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
