he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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