Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
