My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
