Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
