More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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