Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
