She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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