am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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