Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
