Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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