He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
