This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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