everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Randomize
