Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
