Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
