some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
