I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
