Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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