What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
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I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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