So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
