Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
