Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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