i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
