Tell her she can't have a vagina
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
