You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
