I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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