so explain again why im purple
no
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
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I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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