My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
