i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
