Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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