Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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