Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
why do cheetos always look like penises
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
