Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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