i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
