i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
