do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
