watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We left an ass print on the piano.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
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