Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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