How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Let's get the cat blown out
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?