she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?