Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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