Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
