dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
My feet surprised me
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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