I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
