She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
