i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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