i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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