my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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