We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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