garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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