drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
