A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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