if only i could text you this smell
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
