just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize