I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
