My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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