Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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