are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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