when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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