New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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