I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
