everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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