I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
