you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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