my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
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we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
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Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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