I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
