Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
