So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at about main and main street
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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