I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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