Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
