thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
you traded sex for a burrito?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
