My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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