i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
