Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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