If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
