This girl is more easily done than said...
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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