so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
