I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
