I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
