So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
